Being carried along by the morning’s experiences
Noticing the way the early sunshine beams through the room.
Bending down to give the dog some tickles
Feeling the pleasure of mutual love and affection.
The feeling of walking down the hall.
Putting the kettle on.
Noticing the thoughts and commentary chit chatting away in the head.
Feeling of being in this body, the temperature and textures on skin.
Noticing quiet traffic sounds.
The taste of tea.
Putting on clothes. Making the bed. Sitting down here at the kitchen table.
We are a flow of experience.
It’s all a flow of experience.
Recapitulating yesterday. Such a hot day for this body.
Going with friend E and sitting with the feet in the cool river was wonderful.
A walk under the shade of trees, out into the open field it was like the Australian outback or something! Hot hot and dry. then a seat for a long time as we watched cows.
We just sat and sat there watching a whole herd of cows as they slowly moved across the land. And pondered how they are. No resistance.
We shared some good intimate experiential stuff. He is still a complete mystery and that is fine. I like it.
Then just resting all afternoon, so tired. My mum visited which I enjoyed. It was nice to see her face. Aware it may not be so many more times, and one day it will be a memory.
And asleep before 9pm till 5am. All delightful.
I was a little grumpy yesterday. I think it was a thought that started it. And the thought hit a trigger.
Of being taken advantage of. Maybe I can sink into the feeling of that and unblock it a little.
The sadness of being lied to. Of not having expectations met of honesty and openness. Those expectations huh! Still, I felt sad so compassion for that suffering I went through.
Sadness of extending openly and being taken advantage of. And then feeling the pain of erecting boundaries to feel safe. Believing that is what needs done.
Of trusting so fully and not being trusted in return. Then the pain of humiliating myself by trying to prove my trustworthiness to have it further rejected. Disappointment feelings.
And going further back as a child having that full trust to be treated harshly and without love at times. Sadness and disappointment about that.
And then in comes anger for all of the above.
There’s the story and mechanism of the trigger.
I feel you and let you go sadness and disappointment.
I put my hand on my heart and feel compassion.