Deep in beautiful quiet study this morning listening to Tilopa, Longchenpa and Garab Dorje and feeling into the calmness under all dancing manifestations in front of me and inside me. Knowing I am both the ocean and the wave.
The circumstances of my life are exactly the same yet the experience of it is very different.
Still no big jobs lined up for the men.
Today that is okay. No resistance. Just what is happening.
When yesterday that thought felt like 100 screaming agonising deaths. Lot of resistance.
Am I collapsing into imagined fictional outcomes suggested by my most fearful thoughts?
Or do I choose reality which is what I am actually experiencing?
I am safe right now. And since that is what is occurring I don’t feel alarmed. If I started reacting to unhappy imagined futures I feel unhappy and stressed. Stop doing at Susan !
I can choose to trust that all will be well.
To relax and trust that. It is safe to let go and relax. This can require overcoming some resistance for those of us who have grown up feeling anxious and vigilant as the norm. Maybe that is more people than I realise. All we can do is keep on reassuring ourselves and loving ourselves. Kindness, softness. And being present.
I had a beautiful day yesterday. It was so windy and hot. Refuge was found in the shelter and coolness of the dappled hade of the woods. I met up with my friend E for a long walk and we sat on a tree trunk absorbing nature. And very deep sharings.
I posted yesterdays journal entry I wrote here on Facebook. Quite a risk, ‘coming out’ there. Why not though, good for putting the ego in its place and maybe it helps someone. No idea what they think of me now, and delighted to notice that I don’t care. It has no bearing on anything. Gosh, how I have held myself back caring what others think of me!