Not Scared

‘The Force’ is playing a game of brinkmanship it seems, it’s really ‘me’ though – maybe I’m testing resilience against collapsing into fear and scarcity thoughts. We are inextricably involved with the choreography I suspect.

Still no firm job lined up for the men. Had the big meeting yesterday and the client said she will let me know by tomorrow if she wants to go ahead. I have another meeting today with another client.

And yet, I’m not feeling scared. I can sense some very mild anxiety but nothing screaming out at me. Whatever happens, we will be taken care of. In one way or another. Often unexpectedly events unfold. So I’ll make moves, and yet remain open to whatever wants to unfold. What a way to run a business huh! I was having a laugh with the guys yesterday about us listening to and trusting The Force.

Life has been kind of smooth these last days, despite one of my oldworst fears (of not having work for the men lined up) appearing. Inside calmness largely though. I provoked this situation by seeing how much I can let go of control, how much I can trust that everything will be done at the right time and as a result doing only what the body finds it self doing, no forcing it, and so minimal work. Let’s see. I’d put money on it that everything works out just fine.

Yesterday was a lot of activity. The washing got hung out in the sun, the shopping done. Dog dropped off for a general anaesthetic and X-ray and the vet changed her mind about and said dog is fine, how perfect! The meeting with the client on the other side of the city. Then an hour with the men on site working.

Then to the park, where I adjusted a design at the outside cafe in the sunshine. And sent it to the cad technician for adjustment. What a joy. I was aware of the rare precious opportunity to sit outside and work, and how lovely it felt. And along appeared that little kid I met for the first time the other day, the grandsons of my friend. What a strange synchronicity.

Then my old pal N came along and we had a few hours chit chat and tea. Lot of criticisms oozing out of him in this here direction. Just an INTJ character trait I think, the other INTJ friend does it a bit too. They have this urge to correct things.

However, a useful opportunity to observe any ego – urge to defend or correct. There’s a saying, “if you see it, you are it”. There’s some truth in that I think. So yes, there was a little bit of that I noticed, the urge to defend. And noticed an impatience that his level of awareness isn’t picking him up on what and why he is doing that. My ego getting annoyed at his ego 😂

It’s so beautifully quiet here in the mornings, so still and peaceful. I appreciate it. This morning I have a new therapy client for a ‘walk and talk’ session in the park. And another design client to see later on.

The lane next to the allotment – at the end is the river and the exit to the park.

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