Lying here in the immense heat of the hottest day on record in the U.K. 28 degrees C or 83F where I am up in the north. I went to the garden allotment and lasted about 11 minutes. Now taking refuge indoors.
I’m writing to congratulate myself. Thought I’d be kind to myself and say well done for a few things I’m doing well, difficulties overcome that type of thing. Bit of self encouragement.
Since I’m stuck indoors hiding from heat, I just finished and sent the 2 costings that I’ve been too afraid to do earlier.
One of the reasons I procrastinate is because it invites the next stage of the process. Acceptance or rejection.
Rejections are hard after spending time on the design of a project even if I am being paid a bit for that stage. And means I have to find another one to quickly design and go through the whole process. I’ve had a couple of rejections this year, too costly.
Now I wait for the answer from both these clients. Is it a yes or a no. Both big projects and I don’t know how much I’d make on either. That’s another reason why I don’t like costing. The guesswork involved, though I have the 25 years of experience so not far off usually.
Plus I don’t want to do it either. I suspect I’ve quoted enough to make £ if all goes to plan, I usually do even if it is a bit hit and miss and not everything can be accounted for cost wise. Costs have been going crazy this year and last. Ramped up uncertainty and supply chain disruption. All this uncertainty I’ve lived with all along and it has got worse and worse.
And the success is all up to me and my decisions. 7 livelihoods rest on those decisions too. It’s all pretty stressful.
Another congratulations is due. I am no longer reacting to the noise upstairs. It’s happening right now. Footsteps and creaking as they make food above me in their kitchen. I used to immediately turn the music on and get a bit mad at them.
Now it’s just something happening in my environment. A sound. Like the passing traffic. It’s almost 100% neutral. I can see I could get annoyed and disturbed easily if I started thinking thoughts like ‘this should not be happening’. And instead I sit back inside as it is happening and it’s totally fine.
I think it’s a little like an initiation getting past that one. Though I now know to remain vigilant for the old habitual reactions.
Had a therapy client this morning. I did that well I think. It seems to come naturally to me with all the work I’ve done on myself, remembering to stay humble, and the training. Congratulating myself on getting this far on that too! Well done to this here little nodule of existence going though it’s paces.
Learning to Rest with it All 