Thank you to my body for the 8 hours sleep, what a joy. I was so so relaxed and comfy and feel deeply restored. I was woken up by a disturbing dream, though got back to sleep. I’ve only just started looking into the messages from dreams and it’s proving to yield a rich bounty of insights about blockages still present.
In the dream I was given a breast implant by K. I had a surgeon put in in but very soon it started to leak black poisonous looking stuff out the side, and also I saw quickly that the nipple itself was just the clear rubber top taken from a baby bottle and inserted badly with a bend in it too. Whole implant was huge so I had one much bigger breast. So went back to the surgeon to complain and they said they would remove it. I asked for another option than just removal, maybe a further smaller implant.
So pondering this today as I sit at the kitchen table. All sorts coming to the surface as well as that. And this is to be entirely expected given that inner cleaning out is taking place as the strong waves of energy surge through. Anything in the way is highlighted. Anything hooking the attention with fear or anger to be faced and released.
The dream –
- there is an attachment to caring about how I look to the extent I’d get an operation and not wanting to accept a full mastectomy
- not liking K and putting and keeping that ‘poison’ of rejecting/judging another inside me
- worrying what people think, the lopsidedness, and the leaking
- Trusting experts even though they did a bad job, deferring through lack of self confidence
Whew okay. Another little big button pressed the other day. The competitive close friend. Who is also a delight of warm loving kindness too. It’s the competitiveness which I’m interested in though. Firstly if I’m seeing it in another, that suggests there’s some filter going on, as in its right in here colouring my own spectacles. So where am I competitive. Got no problem looking at that, as I see it all the time.
It was a tricky convo though as she is reflecting negatively about her competitiveness I think which makes it uncomfortable to look or talk about. That’s ok, there’s plenty of time of it comes round again.
Sometimes I fantasise about having a life of reading real paper books. Just me and the book and the chair or sofa. I occasionally have done so recently, taken a little book to the river edge.
The bit that’s attractive is the near complete lack of restlessness. Just to go through and sit in the living room, get a book out and start reading.
The way I could when I was stuck in hotel rooms in North India, one book in particular comes to mind called Kindly Bent to Ease Us. I had the time and space. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Which I have here now, but only in small amounts. And I almost always have work I ‘should’ be doing but am not doing. That’s the beauty of travel. All the responsibilities are left behind.
We have a heat onslaught arriving here tomorrow and Tuesday and I’ve shut down business till Wednesday and let the guys stay off. Too much of a risk of heatstroke and the plants will struggle.
Just had a session with a client which is now firmly in the dissolving of the ego territory. Here’s a scene from Revolver talking about the ego.
Off to dissolve into the natural world here now.