Having a crash inside this morning, nothing tangible just woke feeling low energy, anxiety waves, sluggish. Any thought about business brings me down. Don’t really want to design much at all these days. Or do other necessary tasks vital to keep things going. Trust girl, trust. Trust trust.
Just had a therapy client and switched into being myself and happy. How interesting. It’s clear to me that helping others is such a healing restorative meaningful activity. More and more I’m realising I’d like to do just that all the time, maybe only that. And yes in time perhaps….Maybe 3 or 4 clients a day…
Beautiful big family meal at my mum’s last night was delightful though, very interesting wide ranging conversations from aliens, to quantum physics, to family history, military stuff. One of the uncles is ex military.
T isn’t in a very happy place, big struggles going on and he is crashing with burn out yet keeping on going as he is mid some project. What can I do except listen. He is nearly 29 now.
Had another walk in my park paradise through showers, wind and blazing sunshine all in the space of an hour. At one point I just lay down flat on my back in the deep vegetation and allowed myself to feel absorbed into the earth. Then negotiated a way through a large herd of cows in the woods with young ones and mothers with very pointy horns watching us like hawks. There was a paddle with the dog in the river.
Started my mission to do more physical non internet activity, starting with plasticine which I bought.
And to lunch at the cafe outside. And a meet up with a friend also not in a greatly jolly place. But we dig right into some ‘stuff’, anger irritation fear….shadow work I suppose it is, the residue of traumas, very different for both of us. His a highly brutal poor childhood. Exploring helped and ways forward discussed.
Getting annoyed about life not happening in the way we want it. Someone making a noise, driving too slowly in front of us. What came out of the conversation was that whether we get irritated is a choice. If someone offered us one million dollars not to get annoyed about the person in front of you driving too slowly – we would not get annoyed.
Tonight I have a friend staying over so something else going on too. Not sure what else, back to the park I guess. This is the calm before the storm, big family wedding in 2 days then a trip away to the Lake District with them all.
Lot happening outside the comfort zone of stability I’ve had, which Is maybe not a bad thing.
Learning to Rest with it All 