Boy is Back

A delayed flight and a trip into town at 3am last night and I unexpectedly have my son T here now earlier than planned. We were already discussing Carl Jung on the way home. Such good company. It’s really great to have him here for 10 days. And there was a very loud party in the building. So not much sleep and thankfully my client cancelled this morning’s counselling session. I would not have been in a fully wakeful state for her. Divine choreography at work once again. Meeting another to choose plants shortly.

Yesterday was quiet as usual, a walk and sit and read by the river. Felt waves of loneliness, which I just ride as they come and go. Weather windy and dry at least. No stopping for cakes which has become an attachment and habit and instead I bought lots of fruit and that’s what I had all day with a little sugar free muesli.

I was excited by the flowers and patterns and encountering a beautiful cow in my path which we edged around. Mood was kind of flat I suppose, neither up nor down. Just pretty stable inside. Not delighted, not depressed, kind of bland. No fears tormenting me, but lots of the Gayatri mantra being said inside and out loud anyway. And staying of surrender and letting go periodically.

This is life. This is it. All there is. Each and every moment.

These days of feeling bland are best met with a maintenance diet of pledging to the truth, even if it’s not felt emotionally. Every little step towards replacing old habits with new ones counts. Each beauty in nature noticed is nutritious. The simplicity of the long grasses moving in the breeze. The leaf dropping on the water.

And just be with grace. Enjoy the smallest of pleasures and delight in a play with the dog, the reading of a meaningful line, pulling out some Himalayan balsam from the river edge, being thankful.

I broke the solitude at one point by calling an old friend who just talked at me for over an hour barely asking me anything at all except when he realised. I was ok with it, felt I was doing something for someone at least. I went back out for an evening walk to the allotment and harvested some potatoes, filled the bird feeders.

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