Just spent the last 4 hours out in the park wandering around, exploring, lunching, bit of chat and sitting up my favourite willow tree over the river. Stormy and showery, and took refuge for the last hour in my allotment shed, and even dosed off a little.
I feel like writing again as this turn around is such a contrast to the relatively intense suffering I’ve been experiencing for the last weeks on and off. I’m a walking advert for turning to prayer I think!
I want to record what is different. And it’s so very different. And yet a back to normality sense too. Theres a lightness in mood. Not happy clappy, just a contentedness with nothing much happening, no wants, not many anyway. No worrying. There’s little or no restlessness. Hardly any negative thoughts or easily almost laughed off when they do come. A complete okay with whatever is happening, even if it’s dogs barking or the neighbour noises upstairs.
The annoyance in response to that I want to note here, has literally disappeared overnight a few days ago now. I register there’s some noise, a distant remnant of an inner bristling arises mildly and comes to nothing, noise happens and then it goes away. Just like everything else does anyway. Arise, disappear, arise, disappear. Thoughts of ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ don’t see to gain any traction if they even occur. And I don’t put any music on to ‘shield’ myself from the noise, not necessary. It’s a blooming miracle considering my high level of irritation and reactiveness before.