Have been up the river through the woods for 2 hours, got some sun and lunch. Saw the men and all is fine work wise.
It occurred to me to recite the Gayatri Mantra which I learned by heart in South Africa, so I did say it over and over. And out loud. It was beautiful. I also got on my knees and prayed. I stated my willingness to surrender all defences of the ego, the palms of my hands upturned in surrender and openness.
om bhūr bhuvaḥ svaḥ
tat savitur vareṇyaṃ
hbargo devasya dhīmahi
dhiyo yo naḥ pracodayāt
ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥
Right now I’m back in the house and there’s the footsteps and squeaking noises upstairs which is not remotely touching me in terms of annoyance. I was about to put the music on as usual and then decided no to that. Just be, it’s only a bit of noise. I sat with it fine. Aware the mind wanted me to decide it was annoying, that I was annoyed but I ignored that. It feels good and I’m glad.
I don’t want to be a slave to my likes dislikes aversions and attractions.
Also I was realising that this discontent I carry around….well if some godlike intelligence were to design a life for me….And say,
“Hey Susan, we are going to give you 99% freedom to do what you want every single day all day. We are going to give you a business you barely have to do anything to sustain, which pays you a living. You’ll have a few employees for responsibility training and ethics testing purposes. They will be good people and you’ll enjoy their company too.
We are going to give you a second career for added depth meaning and purpose for you to expand as and when you wish. There will be ample money in the bank to pay your bills. You’ll have great health.
We will find you a big apartment overlooking trees walking distance from an an enormous 360 acre nature reserve across the road, with a stately home in to enjoy aesthetically and have vegan lunch at every day(including heaters and umbrellas in winter). You’ll have a great comfy car, a safe one with a good sound system and leather seats. You’ll be given some decent family members and a few friends for company and mutual support. So enjoy!”
I’d say wowee, thank you very much indeed, that is so fabulously amazing. I’ll appreciate it all in gratitude.
And that’s what I have.
I am also free to not appreciate all these gifts too by feeling guilty, undeserving and whatever other crap this ego comes up with by way of resistance to the abundant gifts life wants to shower on my little head.