Awake at 5, I open the window and the fragrant rainy fresh air rushes in, and my body says thank you. I breath in deeply and appreciate. I read a while and exhaust the information I can take in. Already. I get up with my usual out loud song which signals to the dog the day has started. She bounds in happy to greet me. I lean against the warm radiator and put on the warmed socks, appreciating these small pleasures second my second. I gently cup the dogs head in both hands and feel the softness of her fur and enjoy some moments of mutual affection.
This is where I can live happily and safely. Second by second. Today it is pouring with rain and this slows everything down. There are fewer choices for the mind. Sit still.
The small present moment experiences are a place of grounding and safety and help me to soften the resistance to the fact that everything is okay, and I am safe, despite the messages from the mind.
I have been listening the latest video from Angelo DiLullo before and after sleep and on and off all night as I awake periodically. And I will be listening again today. The message is so valuable. A beautiful guide to being with those difficult feelings that I have had an onslaught of recently. It’s very reassuring and counteracts my mind’s tumultuous pulling away and frantic distracted search for some sort of comfort. It’s actually just what happens on this path of waking up and learning to rest with it all. Feelings arise. Fears, beliefs and concerns appear to be faced and embraced. “We just feel it. Nothing to figure out about it. Nothing to solve. We don’t need it to end. Just feel and inhabit.”, he says in the talk.
It’s all okay. Then he talks about finding a neutral response to it and “Not avoiding it. There’s no guilty party. If it wasn’t so painful it would be comical. A simple act of feeling. What’s the story line around this experience, this sensation?”