After session with a client yesterday I walked to the allotment with the dog through the little woods. I stayed there for a few hours mostly pottering, watering the plants, sitting in the sun and chatting to my son T.
Nice deep conversation, some of which about the concept of enlightenment. He questions if it even exists, as in an irreversible permanent state of awakening. I told him I was happy we could talk about such subjects, and he replied that he is too and that I’m his only friend who will go that philosophical and deep. I felt happy to be called his friend, though be great if there were more of us around for this kind of chat.
Also listened to a YouTube video by a woman called Nargis chatting to a student about her awakening process. From 18.48 talking about noticing and connecting with feelings in the body. It is what I’ve been practising and it was interesting to see that someone took it even further on her route into full awakening. If that’s the case, of course, she may not be.
She also affirms from her experience that if you connect with your feelings this way in order to get rid of them, it doesn’t work. If you do it with a view to simply allowing them to be, to give them space and permission to exist, the feeling dissipates automatically. But there has to be no desire for a result. Just open curiosity and allowing what is there to be.
The Blue Tits went in and out the nesting box beside me all afternoon, unconcerned with my presence, and much to my delight a Greater Spotted Woodpecker visited the bird table to have a peanut.
Back here for a bit, some shopping then out to venture along the river. Lot of people out and about enjoying the sunshine and big parties going on for the Queen’s Jubilee, I could hear the concert music blast out in the distance. A huge Indian Scottish and white Scottish wedding taking place on the house lawn with Scottish music and dancing and then Indian music too. Little kids dancing and happy faces. Lovely.
I got to the woods and found a spot to sit for an hour away from the people and soaked up the feeling of not being separate. Was like a big transpersonal hug. I also listened to another YouTube video with Lex Fridman interviewing Jonathan Haidt about the effect of social media in the youngsters.
This morning I updated the blog on my therapy website, added an excerpt from an old post here about giving ourselves permission to be happy and raising our inner thermostat setting. Gradually developing it bit by bit.
I wouldn’t share this blog here with therapy clients, or friends, or anyone who knows me really. Not many people would understand why on earth, when I’ve already reached a good level of success, happiness and fulfilment by normal standards, I would put myself through the gruelling process of ego dissolution and uncovering everything I hide from in my psyche. I share a lot of the suffering of this path and it wouldn’t inspire confidence in me as a counsellor. And if I knew personally the audience, such as friends, were reading it, I might feel tempted to adjust it and maybe not expose so much.