It’s a rainy windy one out there today. Been a very rainy month but the greenery is so lush as a result.
Kind of a recovery yesterday from the previous few days of intensive inner work. After seeing 2 clients I dropped the car at the garage, M picked me up in his beautiful old classic car and we went to the allotment (which is in my beloved park), and E joined us. It was really pretty great, unexpectedly so.
I found myself speaking about the nature of thought and a little free flow on that wavelength resulted. Open and honest. We all joined in, agreeing that most thoughts are not to be believed, especially while doing some inner facing and shadow work. And how when our inner critic comes out, the ‘attacks’ happen especially after we have been facing things in ourselves our ego wants to protect from being seen.
Their good humour came out too and there was lovely playfulness. We fitted my new squirrel baffle to prevent them from stealing the bird food from the feeding station. I’ll find out today if it worked. No Qanon crap came out of M this time. What a relief. It’s a continuous stream of nonsense often and so wearing. Why I don’t see him so much now actually. Definitely a cult like phenomenon. Got another 2 friends who have succumbed too, don’t bother being in contact with them.
After a while, off M went to do some family duties and E and I stayed for the rest of the day in the sunshine, me conducting business on the phone, pottering with plants. He talked quite a lot about hard bits of his childhood, clearly having a dip of energy while facing some things.
We discussed how to transit through periods of facing painful things, whatever they are, and especially remembering to be kind to ourselves when there’s a subsequent mood slump. This happens especially during shadow work in my experience, a low. It ends though after a while and we emerge fresher, and a little more free from the stuff we hid from ourselves and stored deep inside.
I asked 2 of my men to leave site early and bring a few chairs the client is throwing out and to bring 10 bags of organic seaweed compost to my plot. The soil needs some organic material. I tried myself but realised quickly it would break me trying to move even one, then I watched them load 4 on a wheelbarrow, wow, so strong. Then they gave me a lift in the van and I collected the car with its new break pads, no more squeaking. Back here to see a client who it turned out had moved the appointment. So a rest then out to the park again for an evening walk at 7.30. It’s light here till 9.30pm at the moment. Wondered around the walled garden slowly in the setting sun, it was glorious. The smells and flowers and architecture, it was all incredible. Then back here.
Today what. Well a massage this morning with a view to sorting out the headache issue. Then a visit to the men and a walk. And perhaps I’ll find myself moving some of these projects forward. The motivation has been low for a couple of years now. It’s really been odd me doing this business on my own, just so unlikely for my temperament. High dislike of doing anything on my own, of bureaucracy, details, repetition, rules, taxes. And yet I’ve been doing it all and here it is doing fine.
I congratulate myself on managing to navigate this world we are in, and thank the many many visible and invisible helpers along the way. I have been so blessed by the good fortune of a decent start in life, a safe country to live in, and that list of blessings could go on and on.
I’m very grateful that anxiety is low these days, these weeks even. What a relief. I hardly feel it to any intense level, however I do on almost continually on a low background level.
This morning out the window I noticed a man sitting in the rain on a bench, just sitting there getting wet and looking happy. A metaphor for not allowing outside circumstances to effect our mood I thought.