Today a big rain arrived after weeks of dryness. It added exciting new sensory elements to walking up the river. The smells, the water splashing on the river, the quiet of no people around.
Yesterday I said goodbye to a 12 week project on its last day, and also an 8 week one, both happy clients. New project starting on Tuesday. The outer world seems to be skipping along nicely.
I realised that the dip into suffering experienced the other day, a day that otherwise flowed perfectly, can be summed up by the concept of resistance. That’s what I was doing when chatting about a few things to a friend that were not going as I would like them to.
And then my mood sunk as I felt the crunch of life not happening as I want it to.
The competitive friend, the friend’s son being lost/unhappy maybe even worse, that same friend’s mother with dementia. Wondering if I should feel guilty for not visiting her more.
I was wishing it was all otherwise. That my friend wasn’t competitive, that her son was happy and thriving, and the same with the mum, wishing it wasn’t happening. I’m not getting what I want and I’m resisting what is happening = unhappiness.
If something is happening and I put up a big stop sign and say ‘no, I don’t want this’, and it continues to happen, I’m just asking for dissatisfaction. And then I add a critique of those elements I’m resisting as the mind tries to find a ‘solution’ and control. All so unnecessary.
Instead there can just be acceptance. A surrender to what is happening exactly as it is without wishing it were otherwise.
Sat outside for lunch today after the walk under the big umbrellas.