A Little Lightness

Listened to Samaneri Jayasara again into the evening evening and let it run all night long again. 8.23 hours sleep, wow. This stuff is good juju. Even if my brain can’t understand much of it, that’s okay.

Sunny again, and had a therapy client first thing. Lot of listening and got a little to the heart of the feelings towards the end. Then paying the mens wages before out to meet up in the park with a new friend. Someone I met on CPD therapy course and we hit it off. We went for a walk and had a very far and wide and deep ranging chat. It was really good and we agreed to meet regularly once a month.

Took her to my bouncy tree and we sat for ages in the sun, then tea and cake. However I take note that she divulged her thoughts from the sessions with someone I know. I was a little surprised as I had assumed this would be, in terms of a confidentiality, no-no. A taboo subject. It would be for me. So I take note of perhaps different values here with this new friend.

Back here for a hang out couple of hours before I had a session with Peter, a mindfulness psychotherapist who taught me a remarkable bodily based relaxation mindfulness technique a few years ago. It fits well with the work I’ve been doing with clients so want to get a top up or two few sessions with him. I will write about what I learned in another post perhaps.

I feel well, at peace, even happy. The day before was also good, nice visits for more work from an old client and more work from a new client, and a fun visit to the men in between. There’s money in the bank and the bills are being paid. I finally got rid of that Motorhome too. Lost quite a bit of £ on that, and put it down to ‘an act in haste repent at leisure’ lesson/experience. All fine.

There’s adversity happening too in a small ways too here and there. All that really matters to me is remaining in that open aware expansive space that is felt. Theres a huge difference in how I behave and respond and be when I remember.

The ‘I’, the ‘me’ sits back out of the picture and I forget its even there almost. There are fewer thoughts and those that come are noticed and allowed to disappear. The words that come out of me are unexpected and seem so appropriate without having to think about them. I don’t have to plan for barely anything. Maybe the odd appointment. Have no desire to control anything, there’s a trust that all will be well, always has been always will be.

A light heartedness emerges unexpectedly as maybe a funny little song out loud to the dog or the body does a little spontaneous dance or weird made up tai chi type movement. A lightness.

So this is a noticeable contrast to the state I’m normally accustomed to. This busy mind, the tension held in the body, the anxiety felt. I think the contrast is helpful. It makes me less afraid of this no ‘me’ place. As I get used to that I see the fear that I will disappear isn’t true, along with several other fears. So I know what to do, just ease into this little by little and allow and notice.

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