4 hours in the sunshine and birdsong at the allotment yesterday. Was good to do some physical work and have a fire, so elemental and fun.
Back out to the woods and river at dusk to the dog’s utter joy and mine. Quite a long one just hanging out in the quiet till it got dark.
On this getting aware of who we really are process, what is not fully given enough attention is the pain of facing of all that conditioning in us. It is a vital part of the process to unravel the conditioning, the beliefs, to face the repressed feelings we stuffed down out of sight. To face the defences that once helped us. And it is hard to face and be with pain.
I think most of us need help, it is almost vital for anyone who goes deep into this, who wishes to leave no stone unturned and go for the truth as any price. I certainly have needed a lot of help from teachers, therapists coaches and still do at times.
I got a little help yesterday. I went on a weekly zoom meeting of a book group, Michael Singer books. I was able to share and listen deeply to the challenges of this growing up process. Very helpful, as it is such a warm gentle accepting group.
And the question still remains for me just how many of my therapy clients are going through this very waking up process and don’t realise it. The crisis of pain leads them to seek help to gain a way to reduce the suffering and in turn they end up getting a better idea of who they really are under their conditioning. It’s still some thing I think about often. They would not refer to it as a spiritual awakening of course. They just want to end their suffering but it’s definitely an evolutionary step inside to take for most.
I have a therapy client shortly. We are meeting on zoom for the first time after over a year of telephone sessions. That will be interesting! I think we always form a vision of who we are talking to, especially so intensively and they are bound to be nothing like my vision in my head.
I feel supported in so many many ways, and yet I get terrified at times. Waves of it, mostly mild thankfully, nothing like panic attack level, but it’s still fear and dread that something bad is going to happen. This happens when I think of myself as separate alone in a dangerous and uncertain world. I have to remind myself this is not so.
Last night in the woods by the river. Divine.