Not a deep post this, just mulling over events. On Monday there was my front door painted a beautiful deep grey which is a delightful improvement to the raw wood. Think the gentrification of this scruffy tenement has reached its apex. Then a regular therapy client, then a visit to one of the construction teams. What a strange existence I lead. Bricks, stone, timber and construction and a lot of men. I’m busy but not, my time is my own and I have freedom to a large degree and I do what I want with my time. Gratitude for that.
Yesterday started with a therapy client. She’s a marvellous beautiful powerful being with a very hard traumatic start in life to accommodate which I’m chumming her along with, helping her find her true narrative and raise her inner thermostat setting. I felt a little off though, I’m not sure why, she was distracted somehow. But it was fine.
Then off to site out in the country – and chat with the guys who are very uneasy about the state of the world. I don’t know what to make of it all. I don’t get too engaged, don’t know what to believe, and yes feel sad for all the death and unhappiness going on of course. My mission remains to reorientate with reality inside though. Connect with the still centre of the turning world.
Then a chat with the clients, which resulted unexpectedly in me having to give a guy in that team his final warning. It was harsh and direct and appropriate. It’s time. Multiple complaints from clients over years so it’s time for him to leave. And his phone is banned from site too.
In my opinion he is in the wrong job, he’s a thinker….but like many of these guys in the trades and menial jobs with brains, he could have gone to college years ago. Didn’t have the support and encouragement for that, or aspirations for him from his family. A low inner thermostat setting given instead. And is about to have a kid and will now be more stuck in the wrong career for him. This seems to happen with people a lot. They wait too long then get responsibilities then get stuck. Really like the guy btw.
After that site visit I had a long walk in the mud and trees by the river and hanging out with the crows, the Highland cows and dog and a long chat with my pal E, which was very nutritious and wide ranging. Very earthing. He said he has started accepting he has crossed over into awakeness and it allowing himself to be with that. How interesting to hear! Like the confidence and noticed it had a positive effect on me. There’s a point when we can just decide we are done with the machinations of the mind and the outside world and relax deeply into awareness, nothingness of expansive calm. Or however you want to put it.
Then I was tired and a little lost for a while, listened to Dzogchen narrations, skimmed the Ukraine news, Twitter, Facebook, skimmed a sci-fi film. A little sense of impasse. I’ve reached the apex of a cycle, and now there’s a pause for it all to sink in. The mind still wants something to do but actually just being is what the doctor ordered I think.
Then I was asleep at 10pm and my old pal from school times called, the one who lost her husband to suicide 6 weeks ago. That was a three hour conversation, mostly listening and space for a lot of very deeply felt tears. Some fun memory chat to balance it all. She was drinking as usual which made it a little tricky, lot of repetition. And a good opportunity for love and patience.
And today. I woke up to the fridge not working so I will go and buy a new one. Well I do have this design to do, and a specification to update. Think perhaps an alone day is in order.
Learning to Rest with it All 