More Feelings to Process

Allowing my feelings to be felt more, I have more material to work with, again appearing in a dream.

In this dream I was about to buy my old family home. I had my doubts and wasn’t fully committed to the purchase yet but I was with a friend who was very keen to buy it with me. It was a discounted price too.

I felt internal and external pressure to say yes. However my intuition was screaming “NO!”.

When have I experienced that before, like 100 times.

I had big doubts about the wisdom of the move, the house and it’s store of childhood experiences, not exactly a clean slate to start a new life. And the friend is prone to angry outbursts so not reliably easy to get along with.

And yet here I was even considering a yes when I really want to say no.

So the feelings to be processed

1. Sadness. At the self betrayal and all the times of saying yes when I want to say no. Sadness that I have not looked after myself by doing what I know is best for me. Sad that doing the best for me hasn’t been a priority at times.

2. Fear. Of being rejected. Of displeasing others. Of not belonging. Of conforming due to this fear instead of speaking my truth.

3. Glad I am more free than ever now that I’m working on it more thoroughly. And glad it was only a dream and a trial run.

Drop out of the head straight down into the felt body experience of that sadness, that fear. Hello there, I feel you, I see you, I give you space to be there, to be felt. You are allowed. I send compassion. It’s all okay and all is well.

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