Covid Era Journey

I went from being very scared at first, washing my shopping, my hands, holding my breath when joggers passed me in the park in case I breathed in the virus.

It took a good few months for me to calm my highly alerted feeling of being in danger. I had increasing doubts about the the information we were given, some of which didn’t add up, was contradictory, did not make logical sense to me or seemed questionable. They were not updated their information as we learned more either. I also wondered why such extreme society wide actions were being taken with very little or no evaluation of the effects of those actions, which I thought was odd given the long term health and economic costs of the mitigation efforts.

All the negative effects of the lock downs, such as the delayed diagnosis of cancer and other diseases and delayed operations, the effect of closed schools on children, the kids and women at risk of domestic abuse, the small businesses collapsing. Children in masks 8 hours a day when the research was and is far from conclusive on the efficacy of the cloth masks being worn. The constant pounding with fear all around. The mental health effects on society especially the vulnerable. The nearly overnight erosion of our civil rights and freedoms. The 3/4 of a billion spent in the U.K……the resulting tax hikes. The effect of these will be felt for years.

And then there’s the blanket vaccinations with an experimental product on the healthy and even young people and children who were at little or no risk. A vaccine which the drug companies will not indemnify for risk or release the data from their original trials. Why not? The only vaccine I have had in the last 2 years is a tetanus. I have felt very alone, aware so many of my views and questions are not shared by friends and family. And very aware that as astonished as I have been and am with their responses, they are just as astonished by my views and behaviour if not more. One friend I’ve know since I was 5 even unfriended me on FB.

A few experts started coming forward with alternative views on how we could handle it, such as those behind the Great Barrington Declaration. They advised a focussed protection approach for those most at risk and leaving the rest of society to function. That seemed sensible I thought, let’s explore that idea, discuss that and hear some other options on how to deal with all of this. Let’s have a public debate. But then it became clear that nothing was allowed to be discussed and the censorship of any non mainstream narrative via the Trusted News Initiative, and so people scared to speak out for losing their jobs. It all seemed crazy and still does to me.

I was in very privileged position, even when I believed I was in mortal danger. I could still carry on largely as normal with not much risk personally or being of risk to others…..going to the park and socialising there as usual, living on my own so no visitors or indoor mixing, all quite low risk. It badly effected my business though which is still trying to recover. Thankfully I have a second job now to supplement my fall in income.

It was interesting watching it unfold and seeing the fear turn to hysteria and overtaking us all, me included. For a while anyway, it was interesting. Now what. The hysteria seems to have stuck with many, and I suspect we will find some still washing groceries and wearing masks in 10 years time, the way we found soldiers on an island 10 years after the war not realising it had ended.

I tried really hard to see the positives to keep my mood upbeat. Maybe some good will come from it, all that time for thinking and pondering that so many had, a break in otherwise hectic lives. Some valuable things were brought to our collective attention such as what happens in an emergency after depriving the health service of funds for years. It barely coped and the staff picked up that pressure on behalf of us all. How we noticed the value of the essential workers and the part they played in keeping society going, a moment or two of recognition for them.

Now where are we as a society? I have no idea. I have been withdrawing my attention from the big picture going on out there. As more information has emerged, an inaccurate narrative has only been further doubled down upon. Mistakes would be difficult to admit at this stage for them.

All I can do is my best for those I have contact with. And doing my best for others requires I do my best for myself and I return to what I suspected all along, the revolution starts inside. Get as wise, loving and sane as I can.

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