Useful Adversity

I’m enjoying the daily and hourly beauty of relinquishment and the giving up of what I want to happen. That’s what I’m practicing all day with each thought, ‘notice, drop, trust’ over and over. No matter what the thought is.

So applying to daily life events. There’s money I’m owed by a client, we have finished the job weeks ago and she hasn’t paid it. I spent considerable hours of my time worried and concerned that she won’t pay me, and what I can do and can’t do and a whole big stressful story over it in my head. It’s £5k so not nothing. My business is struggling right now so that attachment to getting the money was particularly strong as it would help to oil the wheels.

I discovered that I could just choose to let go of that money. Whether she pays me or not is okay. Yes it would be nice if she did, and yet if she doesn’t, no matter. I can just let it go. It doesn’t exist, and if it appears, well it’s a bonus!

The resounding truth that I keep returning to is that right now in this very moment that I’m writing here I’m well, comfortable, safe and there are no problems right here right now in my life. And when I check, that is always the case when I look in the present. There’s just a choice where I focus my attention. Will it be in the world of the choppy unpredictable waves of thoughts or on the peace of the ocean itself.

So I’m handing it over and up along with other weighty concerns, especially those which are outwith my control. I’m clearing space for action to arise from clarity. From the base of being, alive, open, silent, awareness within which all this happens. I’m getting to really really enjoy this open special awareness of silence and mystery and I now want to keep on returning there and exploring where it takes me. I have started calling it and seeing it as going home.

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