Without doing something distracting to make myself feel better or taking something to make it go away or reduce the edge of it. That is hard.
Or is it actually easy and I’m just convincing myself it’s hard. A few months ago I responded with fury at the noises upstairs. Now they are just noises that come and go. Most of the time, unless I ‘decide’ it’s annoying which I’m always free to do.
Proving that progress is possible. And that with a bit of backbone in the form of courage and add to that a large handful of devotion to being fully authentically myself…and just maybe I can connect with an equanimity that I know sits in here all the time.
Whatever arises. I can watch what arises, the actions of others, world events, my thoughts about it all, my felt responses. There is a part of me that isn’t moved. I am aware of that right now as I write about discomfort.
I’m curious why this is so hard to do when it so obvious. Probably because it’s more about ‘not doing’ than doing. Letting go rather than grabbing onto. And I am more used to arranging life to cause the least discomfort and pain. So I’m experimenting. I don’t want to take any action to reduce the pain I’m experiencing as I recognise the opportunity that it presents to deepen my commitment and gratitude. And I might have to wait a while for the next cycle of this level of discomfort to come round again. So why put off what I can do right now.
My brain constantly tugs away at me to focus my attention on ‘problems’. What is going on in the world, what is going on in business, the uncertainties of the future….and what that means for my survival.
Yet here I am sitting at a beautiful table surrounded by plants. I’m warm, drinking tea and the cushion on the seat is comfortable. The dishwasher is humming away. My son is here in the next room visiting. He is off to Berlin today. This moment is perfect. There is nothing I need that I don’t have. I’m not in danger.
I feel compassion for us all. The surrender experiment continues. And learning to rest with it all, means it ALL.
Family meal yesterday in the sun yesterday.