Want to share this further reply with you as it’s another one full of beautiful wisdom for getting through the hard times.
“Strangely enough it is when the situation gets ‘real’ that you find your strength or the footing that you never know you have until you need it. When hardships are conceptual, they can be more frightening because the imagination knows no bounds. But when they are real and actual and right there in your living room, you are no longer in the world of conceptuality and instead smack dab right in the middle of a bad spot. No denying it. No getting around it.
Then that is just your new Reality and the first thing you notice is that it is not nearly as bad as the dread of it happening. Nothing is worse than the dread of something. Once the thing happened, its done. And we adjust. Then this is our new Reality. But if you’re lucky, this will also be an opportunity to recognize what has NOT changed!
And there is the true prize. There is the only thing that has ever mattered. and now you are aware of something valuable that you would have never been aware of if it had not been for this opportunity.
talk soon. love, m”
And what doesn’t change? The deep inner, the real ‘me’ that knows I am the ocean and not the waves. That knows we are the sky unchanged by passing thunderous clouds and lightning and all kinds of weather.
I’ve been afraid to commit further to this surrendering process as I intuited it would bring on these big tests of letting go to that and I was so scared of the pain. Now that I’m in it, well, yes as he says it’s far easier than in my imagination. I’m here, accepting the stormy weather. I surrender to reality.
Was laughing at myself earlier. Went for a walk in the park, a bit of woods nobody ever goes to and I spontaneously knelt down as a demonstration of surrender, leaned over and kissed the ground. Much to my shock and his, a park worker was sitting close by hiding from his boss having a break! I just said hello and walked on chuckling to myself. Surrendered my pride too there a bit.
Learning to Rest with it All 
i’ve been noticing this more and more often in my life, and it is what ultimately helps me maintain a sense of calm in a storm. I know i have survived many storms and every time i grow from it. Good post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
In short, to be reminded that what seemed so important isn’t
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing. Whatever hell you are going through at the moment, I wish you all the best and hope things are gping to improve for you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I think I wrote about it, a bunch of things going ‘wrong’ at once to make it next to impossible (covid related interruptions and delays, huge material price rises, staff absences) to carry on as normal business wise…my worst fear that I cannot sustain it….so fears being realised and then no choice, a change in direction to one more aligned with growth. It’s terrifying yet as he says, it is a gift. Adverse circumstances are a precious opportunity to allow a loosening of grip on desired outcome, to witness the illusion of control I thought I had, and leaves one refuge- inside to the silent part that watches all this and trusts and knows all will be well. And to listen and surrender to that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, you wrote about it. I didn’t realize it was that threatening.
This journey can be so harsh sometimes. Sounds really bad. I’m sorry to hear that and hope things will improve – whatever that may look like. I often wonder whether you are called to do this counsciousness/awakening/therapy work more in your life. But then the world would lose such a gifted garden designer… What a pity that would be.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind wise words Karin. You are right re the therapy work and I feel called by it…(I have 2 paying clients as of last week) and I can also change to design only which I love the creativity of – without all the employees and complexities of running a business and suppliers, a d coatings and accounts and juggling money in increasingly difficult conditions on my own. Life is pushing me that way – yet I’m financially embroiled, feel loyalty to employees….and wish to avoid crashing it or it crashing on its own….it is going to change and end in this form and perhaps it’s not up to me how that happens. So instead of worrying about change and how to extricate myself, I am increasingly surrendering and going for trusting that all will be well, that’s the challenge right now. 😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see. Thanks for sharing. I understand this feeling of sitting on the fence and the considerations about loyalty to the employees and the responsibility that comes with it.
I hope a way will open up for you when you surrender.
LikeLike