Returning to the Seat of Self


Whew, I got lost there for a couple of days in angst, bargaining with reality and rumination. My mind couldn’t assist me to find my calm centre again. It tried the ‘well if I look at this way then…’ or ‘ I could look at it this way instead’. Nope. Enough of that.

How to return to myself, the lovely centred, calm feeling of open spaciousness I’ve been experiencing this last month or so. Still, empty, relaxed and happy.

I know what to do. The price of freedom is pain. I’ve been closing and need to open again. I need to let it be and stop trying to get rid of the pain with the problem solver in my head. Thanks brain, you tried, you’re doing what I asked of you, and I appreciate it – now we are doing something else completely.

  • Out into nature. Submergence in the non personal beauty of the miracles and dramas going on beside our human lives. A slow walk up the river’s edge and a sit by the waterfall, taking in the hypnotic patterns and sounds of the water. Back in the non-dual world where I’m not separate. The real world.
  • Breathing steadily consciously from low down. The breathing had gone back up to my throat again with the clenching up I was doing, which only increases stress. It’s what happens when we close to experiencing. And we can open back up again.
  • Surrender the pain and discomfort. I metaphorically, though physically feeling the action of it, slip back behind the disturbed reactiveness inside, way back, leaning right back and give it over. Breathing slowly, while focusing on the water flow and handing it up. Surrender. Relax with the pain. It’s okay, I can handle this.

Life is being experienced and I don’t have to lean into every drama to solve and remove the pain. I can lean back and allow the pain, acquiesce that it’s not to be ‘solved’, it can be fully experienced and let go of. Over and over this is the lesson. To trust. It’s a small price really, and just requires a little backbone.

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