Surrender Experiment Day 11


Now firmly in the swing of surrendering when the annoyance from hearing banging and creaking upstairs appears. I notice occasionally I don’t even notice the noises. I realise it’s stopped and that I forgot to get annoyed or even register the noises. So quick progress that is encouraging.

I will continue with the practise as I have been, no room for complacency. There’s barely anything more important than this mission at the moment. I’ve noticed is that sometimes they don’t even make a noise or not as often or as loud. That’s strange, but may be down to me not noticing.

What an opportunity to put the ego’s objections in their place. Some other physical type symptoms are a flu type feeling, sore legs, low energy. Closed down energy, private, solitary, happy with that. Next to no anxiety is sticking around.

Habits are changing. Less time on social media. When I dip into what friends are posting on FB I feel exhausted. Same with reading the news. So reactionary, disturbed energy shouting strong complaint.

I feel tired all the time, and thankfully have space and time to accommodate that. I listen to Tara Brach and Michael Singer. Watch some slow paced atmospheric film set in the past or another country. That’s my travelling sorted.

It’s not like nothing is happening though. As well as these massive inner shifts, I still earn a living. Finishing a big project this week, started another small one, and next week onto the 4 month one. Juggling the staff and machines between them. Navigating and negotiating with 3 design clients, with visits and emails. With the cad technicians drawing up the designs. Got my 3 psychotherapy clients at the end of each week. Twice a day walking or cycling by the river through the trees taking photos. Meditating through the days when I remember. Breathing from low down when I remember.

Getting used to allowing life to go well and me to savour and allow in healthy, happy and at peace. To be well and to not revert to drama and the old addiction to the stress hormones. That’s what it is, addiction. If life got too smooth, I bottled out…..worried, or created a problem/drama to focus on and felt safe again. Though uncomfortable and in pain.

Now smoothness is becoming the new normal. A steady stable background for my surrender experiment which will continue every day for the rest of my life. Sorted!

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