Surrender – more floorboards and snoring

I can feel my ego freaking a bit as it realises I’m serious. It’s in for getting ignored and it doesn’t like that one bit.

Last night was a particular victory. Upstairs neighbours were doing something noisy for ages, triple the door banging, squeaking and thumping. I lay there open to it. Sitting back breathing and not putting on the music to drown it out. I watched as hostile thoughts arose towards them and let them go and short circuited them before they could develop. It was just some sensory sensations going on. And it’s okay, not pleasant exactly, silence is preferable. I am transitioning from ‘I can’t handle this’ to ‘I can handle this fine’.

Today I tried to listen to a google video of Marc Leavitt talking about this subject. I had switched it off last week as his dog snores throughout the half hour. I dislike intensely the sound of snoring and avoid it when possible, which is pretty much always so I very seldom have to hear it. To listen to a talk with snoring in the background is an anathema.

I managed a few minutes here and there. Had a break in between, tried again. Breathing steadily, leaning back, relaxing. Saw the thoughts come up that ‘this shouldn’t be happening’, ‘how unprofessional’, ‘doesn’t he realise that a public figure doing a YouTube talk needs decent sound’ etc etc.

Snoring is a big misophonia trigger for me. According to Michael Singer, these triggers or ‘samskaras’ he calls them, originate from past events in our lives.

For me, it was being a light sleeper and being kept awake night after night when my younger sister was moved into MY room. It was agony. Not only had I lost my personal space but to be kept awake too. Ever since snoring has been a trigger.

So as that is the past, it’s time to let it go and move through that blocked suppressed agony, hurt and rage and see what’s on the other side. If I could listen to snoring, oh my goodness, what a freedom I’d have!