Anything but turn kindly towards ourselves and embrace ourselves with compassion as we would a friend or a small scared child we love. It’s often the very last thing that occurs. To me anyway. And only after all the different running away techniques fail and desperation kicks in.
We seem to specialise in methods of escaping this most basic of wholesome states – including ourselves in the love and compassion we feel for others.
All these techniques of running do all have love at their base motivation, just in a diluted form. So here are a few of my favourites:
Shopping! How we love that one. Not my first personal choice though have dipped into its pleasures and distractions. A symbol of being generous with ourselves. Really just filling a hole where real love could be.
Getting intoxicated with any substance, alcohol, to pills to hash to whatever. All temporary and all create more problems than they solve. I’ve dug into and leaned more on this one, gladly only left with an addiction to nicotine.
Being involved in another’s troubled life. A favourite of mine. What better way to feel better about yourself than to be around those more fucked up and more suffering. And not only that, you can try and fix them and get to feel virtuous. Well the latter can work a bit as a friend or partner. A bit as in, you play your part, and then let go and maybe they love themselves a teeny bit more. Or it occurs that is a possibility. Or not especially if their behaviour turned awful in reaction to a love that they didn’t feel they deserved. That’s just my experience.
Then there’s ‘self improvement’. Lot of mileage in that, and a firm favourite. I’ve got 30 years of running away from accepting myself using that. it’s another virtuous one too. It does clearly come from a valiant motive of wanting to be a better person. And in the end we get to realise that we are exactly as we are, the person that we were looking for and hoping to become. Great.
Then comparing ourselves to others. Big favourite of almost everyone, including the wildly successful. People with more money, more support and loving relationships around them and better looking.
I get twinges of this one, envy….wishing my life was more like this or that, and THEN I’d be super happy.
And yet they keep killing themselves, these wildly rich, popular, beautiful successful people doing jobs they love.
Okay well I’m glad to say I realised this one early on in life, money and outer success isn’t ‘it’. I saw my parents sacrifice their time with careers they didn’t like much to have security, holidays abroad and a beautiful old house. And they gave it to us too, thanks. I’d probably rather have had happy parents. But still, thanks.
So here we are. It’s no longer feeling like a dress rehearsal or a grand wild experiment. Time to face the essentials distilled from all this seeking.
I’m okay. You’re okay. Even when we don’t think we are or our feelings suggest otherwise, we are actually okay. It’s in there all the time, that okay bit. Constant, steady and stable no matter what is going on.
The thoughts and feelings rioting all over the place are like wild frightened little children flitting this way and that, and they just need a big accepting hug. Seldom any discussion required. Just an act of embrace.
And. We all love each other. And that includes ourselves.
And. We are not alone and never have been. We are in this together and there is no separation.
Let’s allow some peace and love to be acknowledged today….it’s there all the time waiting for us.
For this moment I choose to relax and rest with it all.