What a Rollercoaster


The world is changing before our eyes and not only are we witnessing changes we are also having to participate by altering our behaviour in this pandemic in all sorts of ways.

The sense of danger of exposure is ongoing and stressful, and the government handling of it very stressful. And then there was the highly distressful video of George Floyd’s awful death. Then the aftermath of worldwide scenes of civil unrest. Much of it justified and which I’m on board with.

The statues of slave owners are coming down and police practices changed. People are listening to the cries from those who have been held down for a long time. I’m loving this.

And COVID. Trying to work out how safe to feel, what precautions to take.

And there’s normal life in the middle of all this. For me personally it’s a busy business to run, clients and employees and accounts, and banking and designs to do. There’s a psychotherapy course almost finished, but still work to complete it that I’m struggling to concentrate on.

How do we rally ourselves amid all this? I think it’s showing me my strengths and weaknesses. And now more than ever I need to lean on those strengths and develop them, and go easy on myself for my weaknesses.

This is what I’m doing

* Forgive quickly. Myself and others. Return to love. I’m using the hoponopono lines a lot recently. ‘I am sorry, thank you, I love you’. And applying it to everything. Everything. And my heart returns more open. The last thing I want to do is harden myself.

* Be happy with the tiny simple things not normally considered important and the opposite of any conventional idea of achievement. Making a cup of tea, clearing clutter, getting a washing done and dried and put away. Wiping down the kitchen top. Just keeping some sense of order in my environment. If that’s all I can manage that is completely fine with me.

“The world you see is just a movie in your mind.
Rocks dont see it.
Bless and sit down.
Forgive and forget.
Practice kindness all day to everybody
and you will realize you’re already
in heaven now.
That’s the story.
That’s the message.
Nobody understands it,
nobody listens, they’re
all running around like chickens with heads cut
off. I will try to teach it but it will
be in vain, s’why I’ll
end up in a shack
praying and being
cool and singing
by my woodstove
making pancakes.”

—Jack Kerouac, excerpt from a letter to his first wife, Edith

* Keeping the houseplants, the dog and myself healthy and the latter 2 exercised. The plants bring much natural beauty indoors, the dog brings such love and affection, and the dog and my body are both enjoying 2 daily cycles most days. I noticed my thighs have muscles and are more solid after being wobbly for years. A lovely little unexpected bonus.

* I get a lot of joy from noticing, savouring, feeling grateful for, being nurtured by and capturing the beauty of nature. I can spend half an hour in one spot by the river watching the birds. I love to share this beauty on FB with friends.

So years ago I started an appreciation page for our local park. It is well used by people with thousands of members. A little way of spreading the beauty.

* I’m eating well, and not too much. Had a little period of stress overeating and too many treats over lockdown and put on 5 pounds. I’ve let that go now and moving back down to a weight I’m more happy with.

* I’m trying to remember not to let anxiety continue for too long without being addressed. I ‘change channel’ by going out or talking to someone or watching or reading something more positive.

* Today I have booked a session with a business/life coach to help me with the ‘to do’ list. I’ve been getting into high anxiety over the amount on it. Procrastinating then feeling anxious then more avoidance. It can build up and I get tense, scared and low. So I’ve enlisted an accountability partner to help. I can’t do it all on my own. And that’s fine, help is out there and I can just ask for it.

Just a few thoughts for today. Very small actions can lead to a smoother ride. here’s a flower from yesterday’s walk

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