That’s the theme for 2020.
A favourite experience is the silence outside on New Year’s morning. No traffic, no sounds at all. It’s as if the world stops for a few hours. It’s 10am and I’m still in bed.
There’s now been many many days with very low, almost no anxiety or stress. Worries arise here and there with little spikes of fear, and the background of overall resting in peace makes them more obvious. I breath from my stomach, let each one go. No overwhelm. No experiences of one scary story multiplying into another then another.
Just a scary thought arising, I react with fear, and it’s noticed and addressed. Either dropped like a hot potato or rationally responded to. There time for nearly constant meditation as the pace of life has slowed to a monk in a cave like level. With so few distractions the arrows of thought melt before they take hold.
I deeply withdraw from most outside activity at this time of year. I do as little as possible, certainly next to no work. Just keep myself, dog and the house maintained. And the highlight of each day is being in nature, submergence in beauty, textures, light and shade patterns, sounds, discoveries on slow walks away from the world.
Still some socialising too, a call to mum, seeing a friend and a neighbour here and there, a chat with fellow dog walkers now and then. Great walk with my uncle yesterday.
Reading a lot. Recently psychology studies, thinking ahead a bit about the research proposal I have to write in the next few months. Pondering on the group CBT course I have to organise too, who, where, how to make that happen. Those are where the little stress spikes happen.
And then my business. Well that’s 3 seven week jobs booked in for after the current one ending in 2 weeks. What a blessing that is. My team have work for months in advance and I have an income. I can now pick and choose the next design jobs I take on, with no desperation from need, to say yes. A massive weight off my shoulders.
While I have a mini mountain to climb before I qualify, I finish in less than 6 months.
I feel and allow in deeply the sense of achievement in this progress with this course. I congratulate myself
- on retraining at my age
- on going into the unknown
- on doing something I love
- on gaining skills that are helping people
- on giving myself the gift of more variety in my life
- on taking the risk of spending so much money, and trusting I have the income to pay it. It will be over £8k from the start to finish.
- on doing the hard work and study to complete the essays and getting almost all ‘A’s
- on making 2 new friends in the process (the original impetus for doing the course)
I relish achievements often. Even the smallest ones. It’s an act of self care and confidence building to notice and congratulate myself on all achievements. Everything that I do that is a success. It can be even taking the bins out, having a shower, changing the beds, to keeping healthy and losing weight, to dropping unhealthy habits, picking up others’ litter and dog shit, to bigger things, like success with reducing a therapy client’s distress, or winning new business. Life’s wins. They are everywhere in our lives I now see. There are many things I can do every day that make me feel happy, useful, that give meaning and purpose.
I have found that noticing them, allowing focus on them, being grateful for them, attracts more. And I love that complaints seem to wither due to lack of attention.
Another tool in recovery. Recovery from the conditioning and experiences that led me to not feeling safe and learning now to allow in happiness, success and wellbeing.
Happy New Year to us all. May we be Well, May we be Kind, May we be Happy, May we be Successful.