Allowing Happiness

I once read that a common dying wish is –

‘I wish I had allowed myself to be happier’.

Allowed myself to be. As in I wish I had given myself permission to be.

As in it’s up to us how much we allow in.

This week has been the most content one I’ve experienced in years (out-with my son T being here to stay). I have had 6 or 7 days of being more at ease than I remember and my fear and anxiety have been much much lower.

A big warm hearty welcome to you all; contentment, ease, fun, joy, at ease-ness, it’s great you’re staying for so long and thank you for your presence. It’s been an enjoyable week. Come anytime you like!

I’ve been observing how very different the world looks at the moment, how my perspective has shifted without anxiety being so prominent.

I’m jumping at the chance to both welcome them, and to study them with an open curiosity about how it changes how I view everyday life, people, the future.

I am way more present and connected to myself inside rather than my thoughts, I’m able to just observe what is going on more easily (rather than reacting). I am able to notice thoughts as they come and go, rather than react or believe them. I’m feeling quite still inside and so maybe more open to other people, and I listen more carefully. I feel that the words that come out my mouth are spontaneous words, from my heart, from the real me.

All very interesting. I even started a design I’ve been putting off for weeks. The ennui I was experiencing has dissolved. There are still potential stressors around, they just aren’t taking hold of me and causing the grip of fearfulness.

It’s still pouring outside, my tennis elbow is still giving me a lot of pain, I’m finishing and starting a big job in a couple of days, starting college again this week with 20 new students I haven’t met, still don’t have much money…..and yet I feel well, not afraid at this moment. I can feel the fear, it’s here, it’s just not running the show.

So my mission is to allow this happiness in much much more before I ever have to say on my deathbed that I wished I had!

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