Happiness

I’ve been experiencing it the last couple of days. Things are going well.

Perhaps more a state of wellbeing than a ‘high’, and perhaps a state with less fear which has been holding the wellbeing from being noticed. I think that the wellbeing is always there, it’s just that fear and anxiety shout louder and get my attention.

So as I drive along experiencing this wellbeing I’m open and curious about it, I consciously welcome it. ‘Hello wellbeing. It’s been a while since I’ve allowed you to stay this long’. This time I decide I’m really going to acknowledge it fully. And watch any habitual resistance that arises. That part addicted to the adrenaline of fear and problem seeking.

Allowing it in deeply, I remind myself how it feels, and let it register as deeply as I can and hopefully burrow into my unconscious. There’s a stability in this feeling of wellbeing. It doesn’t chase away unhappy thoughts, it allows them to come and go.

Then I find myself walking with a dog walker in the park, he just happened to be walking the same way and the dogs got on well. We paused at a memorial bench with flowers on it. ‘Shame, such a young man to die’ I say. He says, ‘he was my son’.

I’m now feeling sorrow for this man’s loss. I’m almost in tears as he tells me the story of his tragic accidental death at 21. I feel very sad, and still grounded too. We decide to sit awhile on a nearby bench and he talks and talks. I’m still feeling the wellbeing as well as compassion, and I’m able to be present for him. To allow his sadness to pour out. The conversation gets quite deep. He has been trying to be ‘manly’ and hold it in. We talk about how important it is to allow self compassion in and to communicate authentically, and with the right people.

I see how not being preoccupied with my own story and scary thoughts opens me up to being able to be there for myself and for others. Another good reason to allow it in more.