I’m giving this feeling a name while at the same time aware I have to be careful about labelling what is going on on at the moment.
It’s such a transition period. I suppose writing here is inviting definitions. I want to though, I find it therapeutic.
Though the mind wants to give it a label. It wants to work out what’s ‘wrong’ with me. It keeps asking if there is something wrong with me. Why do I feel so tired and unmotivated, and yet oddly slightly content. Yes, slightly. There’s a lot of anxiety around inside. Mostly caused by thoughts and beliefs of what I feel I ‘should’ be doing, and ‘should’ be feeling. My mind is critical that I’m wasting time. It suggests I’m sabotaging myself and that I don’t know how to be happy. It says so many things.
I just keep returning to the trees out the window, I tickle the dogs tummy, arrange a walk with a friend.
I’m curious to see what I do actually do. It feels like very little and a lot of lying around.
What have had the energy to do this last week? Including really insignificant actions too, including ones that don’t require effort like lying down!
- Write here
- Take the dog for walks a couple of times a day in the park
- Visit the team on site most days and give input as required
- Answer emails and file them
- Deal with snagging and previous clients
- Watch ted talks, Oprah talks, drama series and films
- Cook dinner
- Make lots of cups of tea
- Took rug cleaner to my mums, show her how to work it, pick it up and carry it up the steps
- Cleaned the rug again with the rug cleaner
- Filled up and carried downstairs several buckets of water and a brush. Washed up the spilled used (yuck) cat litter outside twice with brush that someone dropped with bleach and disinfectant
- Messaging with my son
- Drop the dog at the dog walker and pick it up
- Pick up other peoples litter here and at the park
- Pay bills, pay the guys, keep an eye on finances
- Visit My mum and U
- Talk to S on the phone
- Meet my uncle for a walk and coffee in the park
- Go for a cycle
- Read articles and the news
- Lie on the sofa for extended periods and watch things and browse the Internet
- Make my bed nicely each day
- Keep myself and my clothes fairly clean
- Fill and empty the dish washer
- Go shopping
- Look after my tennis elbow which aches every day.
- Take folders of cbt worksheets. drive to the coast and Counsel one to 3 clients an afternoon a week and fill in reports
- Texted my sister, the guys, clients
- write encouraging comments on some fb posts and lots of scrolling for things of beauty or interest
- Get the robotic hoover to clean the floors each day and clean the brushes and empty the dog hairs
- Take the bin out every other day and replace bag
- Pull out Himalayan balsam from an area of the river edge to keep it clear
- Took the dog to the dog groomer and pick her up
- Went to the hairdresser and nail technician
- Took the van to the garage and walk back
- Take omega 3 and vitamins in the morning
- Chatted to people every day in the park
- Forward invoices to the accountant daily
All of this I feel motivated to do, and it’s mostly it’s things I have to do to keep on living.
It’s quite a lot I suppose for a burned out business chick! Well done me x