My Journey from Unworthy to Worthy

This has been the focus for the last week or two. Realising that as a result of some beliefs I picked up about what I deserve in life I have created the stressful messy scenario (in particular financially) I’m currently in (and many others before it) that reflects that sense of unworthiness. So no more blaming my upbringing and the beliefs I picked up from that. It’s time to take responsibility.

Even though I can see a progression since I started practising self compassion and mindfulness about 6 years ago, the old core belief still exists and can cause me to unconsciously throw curve balls where things are going ‘too’ well. Millions of pounds have gone through my hands over the years and I have engineered it so that I earn just enough to get by and not enough to pay suppliers on time.

It’s useful to remember how far I have come with befriending myself and learning to love myself. I don’t have toxic relationships or negative people around me, my income has increased somewhat, I look after myself more, i exercise regularly, eat healthily and I bought an apartment for the first time and made it beautiful. These are acts of self love and feeling worthy.

However I still find myself in a situation where I’m constantly worrying about money, the lack of it, find it hard due to anxiety not to procrastinate, and have a response of uneasiness about doing really well and being happy.

I’d love a live in coach who could take me through this process, but alas, it’s up to me. With help though, and I am getting help. As a trainee cbt counsellor I’m now getting cbt counselling, partly to increase my own skills as a counsellor and also to help with some of these recurrent unworthiness issues.

I know there is a way towards allowing greater success, love and creativity in my life and I am on that journey.

It does require recognising how unworthiness sneaks in and to counteract it with new healthier belief, I am deserve happiness, success, love and creativity.

So let me do a little exercise to counteract the undeserving belief and look at some benefits of allowing more abundance in

I have worked really really hard building a business that is in high demand for 15 years. I have gone through many extreme challenges in order to keep it going through difficult experiences. I deserve to be rewarded for this feat of perseverance
I’m really good at the design part and people value and express their appreciation for what I do. I deserve to be rewarded for developing my talent and expertise
I am a good kind person and that won’t change if I reward myself more financially
I am a good friend and make a caring partner and deserve and welcome more loving friendships and a relationship with a kind stable man who I sense is out there
Allowing myself to have more money would reduce my stress enormously and allow me to be more creative and loving. That would be good for my clients and for everyone I come across.
Yes I was brought up used to a sense of impending danger but I don’t have to continue living on the edge all the time because of that. I can allow and s]daily step into greater ease and wellbeing, lower stress levels.
While I appreciate all I have, imagining an even better situation does not make me ungrateful for what I have. I don’t have to feel guilty about being open the very best that life has to offer me and to life getting better in all respects.
When I imagine an improved life, it’s simple things like having my own garden with a pond, and a partner and being able to save for my old age to look after myself.
I had a fear that if I had more money I may become greedy and removed further from others who suffer in poverty. Actually I trust myself fully now and more money would bring with it more ability to help myself and others.
It is my goal to fulfil my potential in every way I can and this must involve allowing change, good positive change.
It is my goal to be free. To do this I need to challenge the belief that I deserve to suffer and struggle and to allow new possibilities to open and take more risks.