This is a MAJOR project I’ve been engaged with for some years.
Whenever things are going well in my life, say I have a week of healthy eating and lots of exercise, I often find myself binging on Chinese take aways and wine!
Or if I make decent money on a project I find myself making a loss on the next one.
Or I will be walking along content in the sun in the park with the dog, next thing I find myself worrying about something.
I notice a pattern of self limitation, so I have been exploring this.
I have learned that we all have an ‘inner thermostat’ setting that determines how much love, good feeling and abundance in our lives. This was often given to us as children.
It is often based on various beliefs we have picked up, such as thinking we don’t deserve ‘too’ much, thinking we will outshine someone else and lose friends…..and various others…..and it can result feeling guilty if things are going well in life, especially if they are going better than we are used to.
What I’m learning to do, with the help and tips I read in Gay Hendrick’s book, is to undo the power these mechanisms have had over me so that I can shine more, and fulfil my potential.
I accept that these self sabotaging mechanisms are there and might not ever disappear completely, the inner critic, the worry thoughts, but if I become aware of them, they don’t control me. So how can I become more at ease with being at ease, and allow longer periods of happiness?
What I’ve been learning to do is to savour deeply the moments where I’m feeling great. When life is going well I pause, and acknowledge it and appreciate it. This way I’m reprogramming the part of me that is addicted to struggle and wants to return to that state because it’s more familiar and I feel more safe there, ironically.
By pondering while I’m in a happy space to savour it, I train myself that it’s safe there too, even though it’s unfamiliar.
So today I felt blessed with some moments of joy and contentment walking through the park. I really focused my attention on the moment to moment experience, and when thoughts arise of any kind, I acknowledge the thoughts and gently, light heartedly say goodbye and let each one go.
It’s scary sometimes, and yet when I slow my breathing down that fear transforms into a quiet excitement about the new possibilities for a more creative love filled successful life. I love that it is is our hands to do this.
Here’s a photo from my morning walk.