Finding a Path with Heart

After discovering how I can learn to love myself and value and be kind to myself a few years ago, as I’ve written about before, a lot of areas in my life changed for the better. Dropped some unhealthy habits and friendships, started earning more and criticised myself a lot less.

The changes continue and I’m finding the heart has gone out of my business this last year. I feel worn out by the grind and even watching myself using this language is telling me something important.

Then one of worst fears re business arrived. No work for January, none at all. Client cancelled the job we had planned. So I will have to lay off the men and have no money coming in to pay bills. I have imagined and dreaded this happening for many years.

And yet, I also dreamed of taking much of the winter off. Laying off the guys, and being free for a while. I never did it though as I didn’t have the money to sustain it comfortably.

So I started to reframe this ‘disaster’ this morning. I’m getting what I ‘asked for’ but without the money in place to sustain it. And yet, I have an overdraft I hardly ever use and credit cards as an emergency back up. I know I will survive it. And I will have time to turn my focus to other areas of interest.

So I have lot a little candle here for my heart, as a demonstration that I am listening.

What is also a little thrilling is taking risks and trying out new ground. I’m loving this new CBT training I’m doing. I’m learning a LOT, about a subject I love finding out about, us. And also I’m going into areas I’d previously considered off limits for me due to lack of self belief and confidence. Tomorrow I have my first 2 real therapy clients (I’m on placement at a crisis centre for 2 years).

And on Friday I will introduce a proposed confidence building course to a group of 20 women. I will have to design it and intend to present it in February or March. Perhaps my free January will be used for this.

In January I will take part in a group presentation on thought records to the whole year….well it’s 20 people but still, it’s one of my biggest fears public speaking.

So what looks like adversity may just be starting to look like an opportunity. I like how you can turn life around using flexible perception.

And I return to the present as much as I can remember. I feel the weight of my body on my bum, I hear the traffic outside, I see the trees and I breath in and out, in and out. I am safe, I am well, thank you.

Hope your day is going well x

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