Stability within Flux


I’ve got so much going on just now. I’m running 3 construction projects with 10 staff, I’m mid moving house and dealing with plumbers, joiners, electricians…getting my new flat together and bringing stuff over daily and unpacking…and embarking on a new 2 year course.

I’m surprised to say that I feel happier and less stressed than usual. With SO much going on, I have no choice but to let go. And more to the point, no time to think! It seems boredom is more of a danger to my stability inside than a flux of external activity.

And oddly the busyness outside is making me feel quite still inside, a contrast. It’s a bit like in the park, how I can hear the distant roar of the motorway, and it makes the park feel even more separate from civilisation and still and quiet.

I’m asleep by 9.30-10.30pm each night and awake very early. I love love being awake while the rest of the world sleeps, it’s so quiet here in the city. Makes me feel as though I occupy the ‘still centre of the turning world’ (a favourite TSEliot phrase)

I’m getting so much exercise too, now with the new dog needing 2 park walks a day. 4 miles a day mostly, sometimes more. The dog has added hugely to my happiness too. So it’s all good.

The rain is thundering down outside, and an almighty wind storm is coming. It’s all calm here in my room looking out though. How’s that for a metaphor!

So I have bought my first ever apartment aged 53. I experience waves of excitement about it. My very own place! It also means absolutely nothing to me at the same time. It’s another comfy shelter, who cares who owns it.

What I also notice is that I’ve loved taking a wreck and making it beautiful. It excites me to improve things, buildings or gardens. I’m wondering if I could do it again, and have been looking for a small place to improve…

An important element to preparing the new place has been the act of honouring my needs. For the first time it is worth it to invest properly in making a place beautiful.

I am doing it for the flat and future occupants as well, but mostly for me.

My place feeling and looking how I choose. Looking after myself. And my son too by making an investment or his future.

It’s not quite ready yet but here are a few photos of how it is looking at the moment.

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