Feeling Anxious

A few things going on and I’m feeling disquiet and some anxiety about. Things not going the way I want them to go. So this is a moany post about what it’s like to be the boss and responsible for it all I suppose.

Reduced payments from clients again this week due to delayed finish times and big impending bills inc £10k to that client and £3k Hmrc pays costs, as well as suppliers….and the money just is t flowing with this weather slowing us
A huge fight between one of my guys and the clients neighbour which is now resolved but has caused me to have to take him off the job and start another prematurely leading me to have to manage 3 rather than 2 projects
Weather terrible and raining and windy still which is lowering my mood a bit, rain battering off the window right now and blowing a gale
A new guy last night at a group I normally love who insisted in trying to tell us how we should be living and the facilitator didn’t say anything so I did which felt a bit off of me since I’m not the moderator. I got irritated instead of coming away empowered, supported and energised. I’m having a good chat with the facilitator online right now about it though.
Conflict with neighbours below escalated, in my head anyway as they have complained to Mary and glen about the noise I make which is next to none, now mary and glen and I are feeling even more uncomfortable. What was going to be a harmonious ending to the tenancy and era of living here is tinged with awkwardness. They really like the people downstairs and me. I don’t like the people downstairs and make no secret of that. I don’t like the thought of them talking about me negatively behind my back. Now I just want to leave. I don’t feel comfortable or free in my own space. Conflict stresses me out big time. And that same neighbour has big noisy parties and also daily practises screeching opera which is painful to hear. So this might effect my friendship with Mary and glen which is sad as I really value them. Then again, I have a solid friendship with them and have just been invited for dinner 🙂
Got not many classes planned over the next week, Aga is away and the Buddhist course finished. But have signed up for a 6 week course with the very loving Aga so looking forward to that.
Got jobs to price urgently and feel anxiety about getting that right, covering costs and making sure I make enough money and still get the job.
Ive got to price a list of additional costs by current client, and I feel anxious because I’m not sure what he is expecting and I don’t want to ruin our relationship. Especially after that fight my employee had with his neighbour. Must just forge ahead and already wrote an email about the extras.
Change is looming with buying a flat, is a big move and responsibility for me, slightly anxious about what the neighbours are like. But also know some things are out of my control, and if I could buy a detached house I would but I can’t right now. Reality.
I feel scared at the thought of clients getting annoyed or experiencing rejection and what That means for our business, don’t want to under or over price the work. Must learn not to take it all so personally and lighten up!

I was at the Self Love group last night and it was a bit daunting, because hardly anyone felt able to say one good thing about themselves. I’m realising they are at a very early stage in the process and I felt their pain. I’m not sure my self love level has ever been that low though I have been working for quite a few years to learn to be a proper good friend to myself. My self love level has increased a lot these last years by allowing self compassion in.

So I’ve been doing work today, answering emails, going to see the guys, having a laugh with them and also in contrast listening to Ms heartache about his mum dying in agony. I do really care about these guys, I feel responsible for making their work life as happy and satisfying as possible and must remember to thank them more.

So it’s not all bad, some days aka just have to get my problems out, bear with me please! And now I’m going for a walk in the woods.