I am gradually designing my life to be full of what I love to do and what makes me happy, and I am in the process dropping aspects that don’t bring me joy/learning/fulfilment. It has taken me a long time to allow myself to feel more happy and its a long process of facing and letting go of old beliefs. A belief that I don’t deserve to be happy has been a big one.
When I find myself stuck in having to do a certain task that drags me down, then its time to have a close look at alternatives. Sometimes something agitates me to the extent that I have to listen to the feeling. A recurring negative response about a certain impending work task, or being around a certain person, or in response to a regular experience. What is it telling me? At times it might be just fear to be listened to and then put in my pocket and get on with whatever it is. At other times it is a message that might be that it is simply not for me. Maybe I needn’t soldier on with a certain task/relationship/experience/habit that causes me recurring stress and I can consider letting it go.
In my case at the moment there is an element of my business, a task I have to do regularly that I really don’t enjoy and feel huge resistance about and anxiety too. This has been going on for years. I dread doing it. This is partly because it is not one of my strengths and it is also an important aspect of my business that determines to a large degree the overall success of the business. I have made many mistakes due to not being good at this task.
So today I have started the process of looking for an expert in that field to carry out that part of the task for me. Simple as that. Get someone else who is good at it and wants to do that part of my business process. This is quite nerve racking. Its such an important part of the business that while I dread doing it I dread moving into the new territory of delegating it. This latter bit is an example of a fear arising that is simply about letting go of control and allowing change in.
So I can listen to that fear and carry on as things are or I can feel the fear and do it anyway and explore what alternatives exist to relieve me from this boring task.
I feel excited about this, and I am observing that I feel this. It is an indication of both fear and new possibilities arising. I am going for it! It is an act of self compassion to eliminate the parts of life that don’t add to my quality of life