I love this group I go to, it’s a huge support to me and I always look forward to Thursdays. Last night it was one called Authentic Connections which meets every second Thursday. In between Thursdays it’s the Self Love Club which is all about self care.
So last night the theme was what makes for a good conversation. The facilitator got us to as a group say first what communication type we don’t like, so that was things like argumentative, debating, competitive, defensive type conversations. And then we had to do another list of how that makes us feel. The second exercise was to describe the kind of conversations we love and how that makes us feel, so that had words like, open, friendly, expansive, listening, learning, understanding, calm, stimulating.
It was a small intimate group of only 4 of us plus the facilitator who is so open, loving and honest. We each had a chance before this exercise to talk about our week since we last met, and there was some really open vulnerable sharing. We all felt so well and so refreshed during the meet up and after we left. To be with other human beings, strangers really, and to be completely ourselves was a great great experience. We felt safe and listened to, and we all learned something too.
The facilitator is a very confident person and at the same time completely open and not afraid to be vulnerable too and express her fears with us all. I’m loving seeing this connection between confidence and vulnerability.
My day yesterday went pretty well. I got some designing done, took some photos of a garden I’m designing, and visited the guys on site. Going to see the other team across the city today.
My ex husband called me and that was odd since I’d been thinking about him recently, and aspects I miss about his company which I expressed. Even though he was so horrible to me at times, and I mean very very horrible. I mentioned being friends and he said he would like to develop a relationship back, that the girl he is seeing knows they aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend and that he doesn’t want a conventional monogamous relationship. I was a bit shocked. I was thinking the odd coffee and catch up. I certainly don’t want an open relationship with him. Been there done that. I feel uncertain about having anything to do with him, even though we do get on well and he seems to have sorted himself out.
General mood is fairly stable. These groups, coach and therapist fills the social gap in my life now that I seem to have moved away from most old friendships. On my mind is being kind and gentle with myself. And doing my best for my clients and my staff. Navigating and managing the financial hurdles ahead is a big consideration at the moment. Paying the suppliers, the guys, getting the money in from clients. Having enough for the £13k vat bill due next week then the £10k first payment to that client a couple of weeks later. I know I will manage. But I feel stressed about it nonetheless. In one sense it is a few months of working for nothing, not moving forward the way I would like. In another sense it’s paying for my mistakes and learning a tough lesson. It will be over soon. By May the money I make will be mine again though by then another vat bill will be due!
And also I will be moving house. And still have to secure a spot for myself. Seeing one tomorrow. Lots of changes. Good ones. It’s something to celebrate being able to buy a flat of my own. To look forward to. Decorating it and making it a home albeit temporary. It’s all temporary in life though isn’t it!
So today what is good about life right now that I feel grateful for?
- I got to lie in till 9 and had another amazing wonderful sleep
- I weighed myself and have now lost 9 pounds since January 1st
- The sun is shining and there’s blue sky
- My son is happy healthy and doing well in life
- I’ve got work coming in and lovely new clients
- I have a warm cosy comfy apartment
- I am healthy and fit
- I have an abundance of great reading material and educational videos to watch as well as great films and drama
- I have all this delicious tea to drink
- I’m not getting mouth ulcers any more since I stopped taking dairy
- I have a reliable car
- I can afford to buy lots of lovely second hand on eBay
- I can pay my bills
- I have a successful business and occupy a responsible position in society
- I have harmonious relationships with almost everyone around me
- I have wonderful technology around me that helps and support me
- I keep meeting lovely new people at these groups I go to where I can be myself
- I was fortunate to grow up in an educated household that gave me expectations of some degree of success in life
- I have very nice staff who work hard and with skill
- I am surrounded by nature and many stunning parks
- I live in a safe low crime area where I can feel at ease
- I can afford a cleaner to keep my house tidy and clean
- I have a future full of new opportunities for discovery learning joy
- I have a comfy sofa
- I look well for my age I think and I am learning to love all of myself fully
That’s enough for one day I feel.