So yesterday brought a new client, a visit to one team, a design of a courtyard garden here, a visit to the other team, a walk round with the client, a visit to my mum’s, an hour at the therapist, and an hour on Skype with the life coach. Quite a full day, and it was good to be kept going, and also have time on my own in between. Not too much time in between seems to work best. I’m not feeling all that well right now, couple of small niggly pains my body is having to deal with. Got a tennis elbow and a hemarroid which just appeared which is sore!
Today I feel a bit scared. I don’t know why. Maybe what was covered in the coaching and therapy sessions about moving forward into new territory. Thoughts come and go. I think of T over in Columbia and send him love. A lot of people come into my mind and I try and send them all good wishes and let them go. Not too much rumination. Just takes me into the past which I find a strange atmosphere, it’s so gone and so not. People who meant so much mean nothing now, or are of very little significance.
The coach session was interesting. About allowing life’s good stuff in. About winning the game of life. Not a phrase or concept I’m hugely familiar with and yet I want to win at this game of life. To me this means fulfilling potential. To stop stopping myself. Not to be stuck in and attached to struggle.
This last year I loved being able to save all that money, only then to create circumstances where I had to give it all away again. Back to juggling, getting into debt, stress about money. I’m scared of success. Some part of me not fully on board with success. Conscious fine with it, unconscious not. So some conscious reprogramming taking place, which much of this journal is about I suppose.
Today it’s a visit to a tax accountant about going Ltd. to reduce my tax bill and protect any assets I acquire like a house from being taken if anything were to happen to the business. I’ve also got part 4 of that Action for Happiness course tonight. An in between gardens to design and to cost up.
Change is coming. For now it’s about keeping still and preparing. To let go of the addiction to struggle and get out of my own way.
Music to listen to, warm coziness to appreciate, endless cups of tea, candles on, frosty freeze outside. Guys are out in it working. Thank you to them. Doing what needs to be done to bring in the £15k on Friday to pay the vat and wages and suppliers. All is well. Hear that limbic system! All is well, we can be calm here.
Thank you for this cup of tea.
Thanks for this comfy sofa.
For this beautiful music.
For my lovely son. My generous mother.
For all the support I have.
For a healthy body that works so well
For this lovely room and flat.
For the new clients that arrive.
For the candles on in front of me shooting me and bring warmth and cheer in the winter
For the central heating!
For my phone, iPad and computer.
For my great new accountant
That is don’t smoke any more.
That I rarely drink now and feel so much better for it.
For my car.
For the trees out the window.
For the company of the radio.
For all the groups I go to and bring such mutual good cheer and intimate sharing.
Thanks to those organisers of the groups
Thanks to the brave participants including me
Thanks to the lamps I have on all winter which cheer me up
Thanks for this brain which can juggle variables and manage my life and make good decisions