I had a session with the therapist/coach last night. The subject was around allowing more success in, success in all its aspects. We focused on the money side as this is where much of my stress this year has come from. The sessions are face to face (unlike the matronly life coach) so quite impactful. And she is trained in Transactional Analyses so lots of explorations about the early messages.
I am really understanding the direct consequences of our childhood experiences on how our adult lives pan out. I am examining my own and also meeting others who have had different childhoods and seeing what they are doing. Last night I was out for dinner with successful people, those who have become professionals, a young psychiatrist, a dentist and a young haematologist doctor. All from wealthy back grounds, with professional parents. Its completely natural to them to be where they are, it feels comfortable and normal. The young doctor and the psychiatrist young woman are a couple and you can almost map out what their lives will be like should they end up married with children. Their own kids will also likely become professionals.
I was brought up in a house of professionals too, albeit less well paid ones, teachers. In the therapy session we looked at how unhappy my parents were in their jobs and how I had decided I was never going to ‘sell my soul’ for money. So I rebelled. Rejected material comfort and security. This tied in well with a sense of unworthiness too, that they didn’t really care what I did, never encouraged me. It was as Ive said before an unhappy household with my parents unhappy marriage. She asked where I went to feel safe, I replied, the garden. Its no surprise why I ended up as a garden designer! She talked about how we reenact these early experiences. So for me garden were a safe zone. And those indoors were not safe. So we wondered how this impacted on my feeling about my clients.
She then started complimenting me and encouraging me, and I became a little tearful when she did that. It was SO good to hear. Someone recognising out loud my efforts to build a business and acknowledge my skills and achievements.
We talked about money and my growing changing relationship with it. I realise I have to give the universe and myself permission to allow more abundance in and stop holding it back. I suspect all that law of attraction stuff is simply about giving yourself permission to receive
- I give myself full permission to do really well financially so that I can have some security and look after myself as I get older.
- I give myself full permission to have a happy harmonious relationship with a kind man
- I give myself full permission to own a beautiful house of my own.
- I give myself full permission to be bold and generous to myself with what I charge my clients
- I give myself full permission to charge what we are worth which is a lot
I give thanks for the abundance that I have in my life at the moment.