The build up to this for me was so very stressful. I really dislike hurting people. But as the custodian of this business I don’t feel I had the choice. And he didn’t take it too badly I’m told. He has been an ongoing cause of stress in my life for a long time and now he is gone. One stressor down, couple more to go. Litigation with client still going on, the garden of a psycho client still to be finished.
I had the most wonderful Xmas imaginable down at my sisters in Oxford with my Mum. I was shown a lot. These people are happy, they look for opportunities for fun in every situation. It all felt quite alien and made me see how low and fun-less I have become lately. It also showed me another way of being too, I’m grateful to my sister Mum and family for that.
I’ve been back a couple of days, and it feels like slipping back into a dark endless tunnel. I forced myself to do a nature walk yesterday and today and I saw my thoughts so clearly, an endless self critical, negative stream. Kept having to take deep breaths.
Had a marvellous reunion with an old friend the other night, been close to him for 38 years. And last night an epic Skype conversation last 8 hours with an online pal I’m close to. Both of these deep connection experiences were very healing for me.
I realise I need this, much more of it. So today I joined about 5 different local MeetUp groups, walking, business, personal growth etc. Time to get out there and meet new friends.
Got a dinner party tonight next door.
It’s not all bad by any means! Gosh I think it’s time to renew my gratitude lists.