Something quite beautiful happened as a result of my meltdown this week. No longer able to display the coping strong me, I divulged and shared my fear and vulnerable feelings to a few others. I was a little afraid of this. Didn’t want to appear weak. And also didn’t want to burden others with my pain. I felt apologetic about that. However what it seemed to do is to give those others ‘permission’ todo the same. They shared some of their more personal experiences and feelings too. My defences being down allowed their defences to melt too. I feel closer to these friends as a result.
Tonight earlier I had an hour on Skype with the Mindfulness therapist Peter Strong. He reminded me about the importance of daily Mindfulness practise, and inspired me to get back on my cushion each day. He also talked of the importance of a community of friends in his life who are on the same journey, a sangha. I’m going to look for one.
And I’ve got a date with a lovely sounding guy on Sunday. Things are looking up. The larger expansive self is back in the driving seat, for now anyway. The little scared self had usurped control this week. This made the world feel very constricted and small.