A Better Day

Lays night I skipped the Mindfulness therapy Skype call and postponed till tonight. Instead I accepted an invitation form my neighbours to walk down to the restaurant. I’m not knocking back invitations for good company just now and it was a great evening. Lots of open honest conversations. Since I’ve started being more vulnerable, they a opening up too. Back to theirs where I met 2 new very big loud interesting gay French Canadian characters, a gay conductor and an very sweet oboe player. Got to bed at a decent hour and didn’t over drink. I know I am too vulnerable to take any amount of destabilisation from getting drunk or going through a hangover. I’ve been staying off alcohol mostly recently, it’s not just working for me.

Today it’s 1 degrees and fully sunny. I’ve been out to site to see the guys and clients. Really enjoying this current client, we talk about music and have a great rapport. They are wealthy but not millionaires. I’m noticing a big difference. The ultra rich are a strange lot, more detached from the rest of us. And understandably. The live in another world. They are defensive because they know the rest of us want their money. They are afraid of being ripped off too. Especially applies to the self made ones.

I am going to write back to a guy from the dating site and arrange to meet him tomorrow or Sunday. This terrifies me on one level, and I’m also curious about meeting new people.

I’ve got my light box on at the moment. I’m taking all the help I can find. To build resilience. It’s all about resilience, coping with life. I think I’m quite tough as I’ve been through a lot of adversity in life but I’m also sensitive and vulnerable too. And could do with increasing my resilience.

If you haven’t come from a brilliantly loving close supportive confidence giving family then resilience will require conscious development to whatever extent you were not given it. My friend who is a psychologist reckons one third of the population didn’t get what is required early in life to instil resilience and well being. I think it could be a lot

I don’t feel so anxious at the moment. My mum being here yesterday helped a lot, my sons pep talk, my neighbours, my pal R.

Still need to address loneliness though, a dog and a boyfriend perhaps!

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