Meltdown

I can feel one approaching as I feel critical levels of stress effecting my resilience. I’ve been listening to Tara Brach again this morning and it is helping me hugely. I feel so supported by her earthy compassion and wisdom. So I have been sinking recently, a legal issue with a client I’m worrying about is wearing me down. No matter how much I try not to worry this issue feels like a direct threat to my very amygdala is on high alert, fight flight mode. I’ve made some mistakes this year and my confidence is a little shaken, to the point where I’m finding it difficult to make decisions. Lot of self doubt. My landlord has given me notice to move out so everything will have to change. That is probably a good thing. I’m thinking of getting a big place and renting a couple of rooms out to help pay for it. And also have some company too. I’m also still missing my dog. It’s been a year since she died but I still miss her presence and feel alone and quite isolated, I see how much having a dog helped me. I could get another. I miss my son too. And I am finding it hard to care about business, to motivate myself to do anything. And I feel stressed about having all these employees depending on me to to work, when I don’t feel like it much. I’ve had a few difficult clients too this year, and I struggle with the pressure of negotiations ant money. It’s just so stressful hav8ng this ongoing responsibility of the business with very little support. I got myself a new therapist last week. I need someone to talk to about all this.

I also need to remind myself about what is good in my life. I am grateful for:

This warmth inside

Living in a quiet neighbourhood

My lovely friendly neighbours

The winter tree outlines

Pollok park

My family – my fab son, my Mum uncle and sister

The tasty carrot I’m eating

My great car

My excellent employees

My clients and Having enough work coming in

The changing weather and seasons bringing variety