A song came on the radio which I love and I turned it up. Next thing I know, I am singing along loudly and having a good bop around in the seat as I drive along. What is this, what is going on here…. Oh yes, that’s joy! I forget about joy sometimes and then realise its there. It seems to be always there just below the surface, and I just forget about it somehow….maybe it is the latent playful divine in us waiting to be acknowledged so that it can let itself out, be felt and have some expression. When joy just takes you, it is precious.
For the most part I am too busy being serious about life to notice. That is why I do so much conscious application of bodily felt awareness, to tear myself away from the cerebral and into the actual real felt experience of being alive.
That actual felt experience of waking up isn’t always easy of course. I sometimes wonder if I retreat into my mind as it feels like a safer place than feeling all the feelings as they arise. That is why I make a practice of helping my body feel safe at least with swimming, walking in nature, candles, a cosy living room and healthy food.
At at times I feel like I am being flayed alive and that tends to be more attention grabbing. This is what it feels like to have all that the self identifies with dissolve in front of my eyes, leaving me kind of feeling stranded in a sea with nothing to grab onto. But then the fresh breeze catches my hair and its feels amazing, the sun hits off the top of the trees and the beauty shatters everything else for a second and stops me in my tracks. Yes, so it is a mixed bag. Heightened agony as the letting go takes place and heightened delight in an ever intensifying experience of unity with all.