Awake in the Night

Sometimes when anxiety has taken hold and my mind is busy I have to take steps to get some help to recover my awareness of the still quiet always present stability inside. I have sought the help of several teachers by listening to their talks. I have spent many hours borrowing their line of connection to the inner still point, and allowing it to act on me till I feel it for myself.

So I awoke last night in the early hours. Both times though I was perfectly relaxed and comfortable to begin with, some fearful thoughts crept in that created a feeling of anxiety. Things like ‘maybe I forgot to to do…’. ‘What if I don’t have work lined up for the guys in time?’ I seem to be more vulnerable to catastrophe thinking in the middle of the night. Then I might start judging and criticising myself for doing this.

I was tired but with the limbic brain activated and some cortisol now being pumped through my body, there was no chance I could just drop off to sleep again without taking action. I needed to fill the silence and divert my attention and take command of my focus.

So at times like this when I know I might need to extra help, I have my ipad beside me ready to open on an online talk. Somebody who has a relaxing voice and is talking sanity, wisdom and truth.

My current and long time favourite is Tara Brach. I listened to this talk 3 times last night,’A Revolution of Tenderness’. I drifted off easily during it after hearing enough to experience a return to my heart, and then this morning I have been listening to the whole thing on repeat as I work.

Her words are like an exorcist to my worry thoughts. I am reminded by her words to direct compassion and kindness to any area of suffering, and I very quickly soften come out of my head and back into my body. I am reminded that I am safe right now. I am always safe and I don’t have to worry, if I stay in this moment. Thank you Tara Brach.

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