Self Sabotage, weight, work chitchat. 

Im watching myself do it. Is being aware enough I wonder?  Will have to be, don’t know what else to do. It’s what I do when I notice I’m doing it that is important too. Do I judge and criticise or do I be gentle and kind and patient with myself ?

 It’s 10am and I’m lying on the couch having a rest. Rebelling against work for an hour! Been for a swim and a walk in the park wth the dog. Feeling a little unwell though after drinking too much wine last night (sabotage). Will abstain tonight. I’m doing well with my weight loss goal for the week though, down 3 pounds. Going to keep it up. Not that I mind my weight but I would like to feel what it’s like to be light on my feet and trim as can be again. I’m about a stone overweight for my height. I love drinking wine but it’s so very calorific, 600 per bottle.

I’ve got a hec of a lot going on every day, with calls, texts and emails from employees, clients and suppliers, and visits to new clients, designs on the drawing board being done, designs being amended, designs needing priced,  bills and wages and I need to make sure I’m making enough money to pay this all the time. It’s 10 guys in 2 teams, it’s quite a lot. 2 gardens being built at once all the time. We are doing a £65k one and a £28k one just now, and both about to finish and on to the next 2. Have had 2 projects cancelled this week that we were to do I a few months. That is hard emotionally, disappointing, and can lead into fear if I allow my mind to weave stories about having not enough work, having to lay guys off. This is a possibility and has been an actuality in the past. But it’s not now so it’s a story, 

I’m amazed I’m handling and have ended up with this level of responsibility. It gets a bit overwhelming at times being responsible for so much. Good resilience training. 

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