Thanks for the invitation to be part of the February Experiment Barbara.
Here is a summary of my 35 year long ‘Path to No Path’.
I discovered the concept of the spiritual journey at 15 years old after reading a Carlos Castaneda book I found in my dad’s books. The book was about a wise old Indian and the journey of discovery he took his young apprentice on. I was immediately entranced by the idea that underneath the appearance of our humdrum everyday lives our real reason for being alive had a much more esoteric and important purpose and adventure.
I set about to learn as much as possible and devoured books by the dozen, exploring a host of paths from Astrology to Buddhism to Theosophy. I delved into self analyses and tried to understand myself and the effects of childhood conditioning on my worldview, my relationship with myself and with others.
However while this was all very entertaining and I started to make sense of the patterns of behaviour, it didn’t take the behaviour patterns away and certainly did not help me make wiser decisions or better romantic choices! After decades of seeking I was frustrated that very little had actually changed in terms of the level of pain and suffering I experienced.
It wasn’t until my late 40s that I started to get glimpses of inner peace that lasted more than a few minutes. I started to practise mindfulness and I had a direct experience of the inner peace that is always there. The peace, silence and stillness had been there all along and I didn’t notice it because I was so busy seeking!
I found that I could just keep returning to it no matter what was happening. I started to take many short moments throughout each day, return to that peace for a few moments at a time. My thoughts and feelings could simply arrive and disappear. I no longer had to believe every thought that came into my head, judge myself for them or follow or control them. I just had to be aware of them and be present and breathe.
The other element that I brought into my life was self compassion and being more kind towards myself. This is very potent healing medicine indeed. Through developing a more loving relationship with myself I now see how much this was lacking in the past. I can see that my low sense of self worth had disallowed peace and success all along and attracted struggle instead. I can see that my quest to become a better, nicer, wiser person was a result of not loving myself and not feeling good enough. I don’t have to do that any more, I am and I have what I was seeking for.
So now life is taking a different turn. I am aware that I am a difficulty and struggle addict coming off my drug and entering a realm of peace and prosperity. Its a brand new and unknown world to me, and it is taking a while to settle into it. I am being kind and being patient as I acclimatise. A little loving vigilance is required to spot old habits that can sabotage my peace and wellbeing and attraction to drama is noted and let go of gently. It feels unfamiliar and scary at times and I often give myself a little pat and some reassurance and encouragement.
And as I am kinder to myself and more at peace I find I am automatically less judgemental and less reactive towards others. I feel I now understand that world peace starts with ourselves.
Learning to Rest with it All 
It was lovely to read some of your experience with deepening into contemplative practice. Much resonates with my own, which is comforting.
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Thanks so much xxx
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It is a very honest sharing. Thank you for that.
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Freda I loved reading this. On Monday morning as I was walking into school, I heard some angelic guidance, it said “Be gentler, be more gentle with others, be more gentle with yourself.” I get it. Thanks for sharing Freda. ❤
Namaste
Sindy
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What a wonderful share.. and Yes I agree Peace begins within, and it starts when we as you say in your last paragraph are kinder to ourselves..
Love and Blessings upon your journey
Sue
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Thanks Barbara, it was a great idea of yours to put together this compilation. I have found it to be encouraging and supportive. Peace x
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Freda what a heart warm story about finding peace and compassion for self that allows us to see the human game of duality and choose to no longer be a part of it… Letting go of all the attachments and judgements so that we can experience being peace… That changes the world, one heart at a time. Thankyou for sharing and being part of this special project that will inspire many to dare awaken themselves… Love Barbara
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This is a lovely share. I am enjoying learning more about you and your life. It seems for some that awakening happens suddenly and quickly, while for others it may start early and be slow or sporadic. Finding inner peace and rejecting duality are critical to this path.
peace, Linda
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Thank you so much Linda. For me it has been a long journey and I think that has been the right pace for me, there was a lot of basic healing to do first x
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Thank you for sharing your journey here. Wow, you started at 15 years already to devour spiritual and esoteric knowledge. That is a very young age!
It seems that this hunger for books is a common theme for many. Not for all, but for many on this journey.
You have found several gold nuggets on the way. The inner peace inside, and then also what a difference self compassion makes. I am excited to see you blogging again about your experiences. This is a subject which is important for many.
“difficulty and struggle addict” – that is another great observation. This is so deeply buried in the unconsciousness for most of us that we don’t even realize it. It just feels normal. Everyone here is struggling, right? It seems just the human condition to always have a certain level of stress. But the universe gives us what we are asking for. And it does not matter whether we are conscious of what we are asking for or unconscious.
I am curious to read more about how life unfolds for you now with this new mindset.
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Yes Karin, all those books! I thought I could waken up by intellectual learning and accumulation of knowledge! No regrets though, it has been very interesting and I feel well rounded out by it all 🙂
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