“The only way to enter silence is on its own terms. You can’t go there with something, only with nothing. You can’t be somebody, only nobody. Then entrance is easy. But this nothing is actually the highest price we ever pay. It’s our most sacred commodity. We will give our ideas, our beliefs, our heart, our body, our mind, and our soul. The last thing that we’ll give is nothing. We hold on to our nothingness because that’s our most sacred commodity, and somewhere inside we know this. Only the nothing enters the silence; that’s the only thing that gets in. The rest of what we are just bangs at the nonexistent door. As soon as you want something from the silence, you are moved outside the silence again. Silence reveals itself only to itself. Only when we enter as nothing and stay as nothing, will silence open its secret. Its secret is itself.
This quote is relevant to my silence recently. After dropping a long-term habit (smoking), the routines changed and I found myself in a new place which I have been exploring gently and quietly. Making friends with the present moment and adjusting to non distracted awareness, to being nobody, and starting to welcome it more.
And in doing that I see all the little tendencies inside me jump out, scream out at times, that don’t want to give up being a somebody. In fact they want to be more of a somebody. They want to be right, to be admired, to be successful, to be known as talented, to be popular and seen as popular. Its okay, they are doing what they do. Meantime, its diving deep into the void, the beautiful expansive free space that is becoming less and less scary.